


Aftermath

by Savorybreakfasts



Series: Tumblr prompts and ficlets [10]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 02:23:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15233277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Savorybreakfasts/pseuds/Savorybreakfasts





	Aftermath

“I’ve told you I don’t blame you. No one knew. That’s the point, they’re good at this. This is not your fault.”  
Garak made a dismissive noise and went back to tidying the bedroom, letting Bashir know he was done talking about it.  
Julian wondered how many times they were going to have this conversation. Everything Garak carried in the wake of Internment Camp 371 seemed to be contained into this one scrap of guilt that he worried over, and unraveled, and knit together again endlessly.  
He worried about the other feelings that Garak was keeping at bay focusing on this. A professor at Star Fleet medical once told him that guilt filled the function of allowing us to believe we had control, that if we’d done something differently, the crash wouldn’t have happened; the patient wouldn’t have died; the house wouldn’t have burned down. If it was our fault we could do it differently in the future, and that time spare the pain. Guilt was a delusion. He never believed that as much as he did now–if Garak let go of this guilt, how helpless would he feel in its absence?  
Perhaps most painfully, he couldn’t help wondering how much of the regret Garak was expressing was really towards him, or if there was a corner of his mind thinking that if he had only noticed earlier that it wasn’t Julian, he might have arrived in time to save Tain. How long would Garak go on believing he had failed someone who had, in truth, so profoundly failed him? Not for the first time, Julian felt relief at the old man’s death, that he would no longer be able to hurt Elim, or anyone else.  
Julian decided that Garak had had long enough with the speaking embargo and went into the bedroom. He tried, unsuccessfully, to meet Garak’s eyes and pleaded, “you have to let this go, Garak. I’m here now; you’re here now. I need you to please, let this go. Please”


End file.
